Graduate School

I recently finished my Master's Degree.
And my feelings on it are mixed.
On one hand I am proud of the work it took.
Of what I learned.
And having that recognized.
On the other hand I don't think it was the right decision.

It was expensive.
And took more time than the material needed.
Had I been more disciplined.
And thought through what I needed to learn.
I could have learned the material in a fraction of the time.
I could have saved almost $25000.
I could have shown my work on my website.
And used that on my resume instead of a degree.

It worked out in the end because I got lucky.
I graduated at the right time to get a job through a new grad program.
But I don't want to confuse luck with making the right decision.
Whether a decision is right or not is not only based on the outcome.
We need to see what we did right when things failed.
And what was wrong when we succeeded.
We don't control the outcome of many of our decisions.
There are too many factors.
So we decide with the information on hand.

The right decision is the one we would make if we had to roll the dice on the outcome.
Again and again.
If I had to roll.
I think the better choice would have been to choose myself.
I could have moved faster.
I could have saved a lot of money.
I could have taken the process into my own hands.
And shaped it into something of my own.
Rather than following a process laid out for me.

It would have taken more care and attention.
As anything truly worth doing deserves.
Everything we do.
Can be made wonderful with focussed effort.
Or can be boring and lifeless.
If we are not paying attention.
I chose the easier route.
That did not require the same care.

Regardless of the fact that it turned out well.
Abdicating the requirement of making my own path.
Was not the correct decision.
I chose not to analyze my options.
As carefully as I could have.
I didn't think.
I didn't explore.
I didn't trust myself.
That I would end up in the right place.
Under my own guidance.

While the outcome was successful.
I think that what I learned most.
From this experience.
From this success.
Is to be more present.
To put more care and focus in everything I do.
In every decision I make.
To make sure that my process is as right as I can make it.
And stop worrying about the outcomes.

I learned the most.
By realizing the things I missed.
As opposed to the things that I did.