Last Wednesday night/Thursday morning I was awake for a few hours in the middle of the night. Mind was racing and got it out on the page. Some interesting thoughts, still processing. I was going to edit it but decided to just post it as is.
I make my art.
In words, in simple characters.
In code.
It is not traditionally beautiful.
But it is to me.
The purity of function.
Not a clock cycle wasted on carrying out a useless task.
Maybe I will learn to wrap that in an aestetic beauty someday.
But that purity is the core of it.
Words don't express things so clearly.
The ideas they convey are not the black and white of machine instructions.
So I shape them around what I want to say.
Showing it in outlines and shadows.
It is late...
After midnight.
I tried to sleep but was restless.
My foot twitching as I lay in bed.
My mind spinning working on the website.
More data to store and organize.
The functionality is small.
Something that I can hold in my head all at once.
I like this scale.
One where I find myself coming alive.
A passion, interest, even furvor that I don't normally find in myself.
This is what it means to live, to work.
To focus on one thing with all of its challenges.
And see it through.
Is it the passion that keeps me up?
Or the fear that if I sleep it will leave me?
The task can be picked up tomorrow.
But the mind works when it decides to.
I find it much easier to turn it on then off.
So strange that my energy can come back fully without sleep.
I was almost falling asleep in a work meeting at 16:00.
Now almost 9 hours later I am more awake then I was all day.
Committing these words to (digital) paper.
Was wanting to write by hand but also not turn on any lights.
So a tablet and stylus will do.
Code is the modern magic...
A magic, for there are many and it would be supremely arrogant to put my chosen sorcery above the others.
We all have our chosen magics.
Acts that feel divine.
That we can't explain even if we can explain all that goes into them.
For me it is creating and fixing things.
Improving or modifying.
The change.
Trasition from one state to another.
Broken to fixed,
parts to whole,
materials to a final object.
In this way tools are my talismans.
How I commune with this divinity of mine.
My computer, keyboard, pens, saws, knives, screwdrivers... and everything else.
I was pondering why I always carry some basic tools with me even if I don't use them all that often.
They are my connection to this.
My acceptance and willingness to do this work wherever and whenever it is needed.