103 lines
6.1 KiB
HTML
Executable file
103 lines
6.1 KiB
HTML
Executable file
id: 2021-03
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title: Personal Update March 2021
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date: 2021-03-27
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---
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<h2>
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Personal Update March 2021
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</h2>
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<p>
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So in the spirit of honestly chronicling my journey, I have to say that this past week has been fairly unsuccessful.
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Due to significant stresses in my life a lot of my routines have fallen apart.
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This week I am going to do an analysis of what I have been able to keep up with and what has dropped off.
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It outlines what activities I am still using discipline and willpower to do (which are more susceptible to breakdowns when stressed) and what seems to have held together (habit).
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</p>
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<p>
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Starting with the things that have held together.
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I am still exercising regularly.
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It feels odd not to go to the gym.
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Even though some days I have cut down on the intensity and amount of the exercise it is still there.
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On certain days I cut back on the weight I was lifting and on others I did fewer and/or less effective exercises.
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Swapping out an exercise for a slightly less effective one may seem completely counter productive, but I have found that when I am not feeling it, the novelty of something different helps raise my interest.
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It is better to do something sub optimal then nothing at all.
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</p>
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<p>
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I have still been reading a fair bit.
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I was reading The Gulag Archipelago which is a book about life in Stalinist Russia.
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Needless to say it is dark, so for this week I put it down in favor of easier reading.
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I continue to read one of Seneca’s letters each day and am in the process of reading Malcolm Gladwell’s The Tipping Point.
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It is about what causes sudden drastic changes in systems when one would expect more gradual ones.
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It touches on epidemics of various sorts, fashion, crime, adoption of technology etc.
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I am also reading more fiction for pure enjoyment.
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A short story collection by my favourite author Greg Egan is also for fun.
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It is called Artifacts and I strongly suggest his work if you like very hard science fiction.
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</p>
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<p>
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School is the area where I have just kept up.
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Normally I try to work ahead and try to do two weeks of reading for each week that passes.
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That way when it is time to work on a project or study for a test I have the time to focus solely on that without falling behind.
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This week was just a week’s worth of reading and I called it at that.
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Some of the time I would normally spend working on school I spent listening to podcasts on whatever topic I was interested in that day.
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The learning this week may have been less focussed than usual, and for less total time but it was still there.
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</p>
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<p>
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So learning, and exercise seem to have held together alright.
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This makes sense, I have had these practices for a long time.
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While they have all been ratcheted down in intensity they have continued.
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This is the advantage of habits, it truly feels odd when I don’t do them for a day.
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</p>
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<p>
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Now for the areas that have not held up so well under stress.
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I have not been consistent with my sleep schedule.
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I have been staying up later and sleeping in more in the morning.
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Not by a small amount either.
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2-4 hours later both in bed and waking time is significant.
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I have been loath to cut my sleep short, I know how important having enough sleep is especially when your body is under stress.
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I am not sleeping much more, just not at the times that I prefer.
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</p>
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<p>
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I have been spending more time on my phone, watching youtube videos mostly.
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I think the common trend with my behavioural changes this week is that I am leaning towards immediate enjoyment and a little bit of escapism as opposed to longer term thinking.
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It also makes sense, my brain is trying to make me feel better using the things that reward me quickly.
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My phone use is not as high as it was the first week.
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I tracked it and it has been going up since last week.
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I am also spending more time playing video games.
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Normally I try to keep them within my off time at the end of the day, but it has creeped out into the rest of my day.
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</p>
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<p>
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Writing my 10 ideas for the day has been problematic.
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I normally do it later in my routine so I can use whatever problems I have encountered throughout the day to generate ideas.
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While under stress I am very mentally drained at the end of the day and it feels insurmountably difficult to come up with ideas when my mind is so occupied.
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I could try and do it earlier in the day when I am feeling fresher.
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Something to look into for the next week.
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</p>
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<p>
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I am doing my best to keep meditating.
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This is the exact time that it is most needed, but clearly it has not been instilled as a habit yet.
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Iit has been a lot of work to get myself to sit so this practice has been spotty.
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</p>
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<p>
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Obviously as this is getting posted a day late this blog falls into that category.
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I had it written by the end of the day on friday but did not have it edited and posted until saturday.
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</p>
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<p>
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It is only when under pressure that I can really see how well my routine holds up.
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A lot of my habits around getting things done have held up reasonably, while self care has fallen apart.
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That makes sense to me.
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I have only implemented a lot of the self care and quality of life actions in the last 6-months to a year while the learning and exercising has been an integral part of my life for over a decade.
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</p>
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<p>
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I still have plenty of time, even though it often does not feel that way, and these things can be fixed.
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I do tend to focus on giving myself a hard time when I don’t perform up to my standards but I am trying to extract some good from it in the form of a lesson instead.
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We often learn some of our most valuable lessons from difficult times if we remember to look.
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The current goal for me is to keep doing whatever I can while I take care of myself.
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That way I can get through this particular rough patch in life without trying to go so hard that I make it worse and it becomes more than I can handle.
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</p>
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<p>
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Thanks for reading.
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</p>
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<p>
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Phone time: 16h 9m
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</p>
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